Where have I been!?

So much has happened, where do I begin? I am a lazy blogger, among lazy other things. I read somewhere that a person should make a goal of writing daily to have good material for their blog. Guess I should do that.

Our friend with cancer died in October, which was both a relief and the beginning of a new chapter of sadness. To help get past that as quickly as possible made a point to get more organized, cleaning out some of my cupboards and files, organizing my laptop (still needs a TON more. Did you know there is actually a program call "PC De-Crappifier"? I do, now), and doing some long undone house projects like installing and finishing trimwork. Only the floor trim, of course, anything that can be done sitting on one's ass I am pretty good at :) I can't figure out how to do the ceiling trim unless I can master husband mind control or get a house tractor. Yes, a house tractor, it's a scooter with a backhoe and other various attachments like a dishwashing arm, a bathroom blaster, and a bed maker. Of course it is part vacuum cleaner, like a riding lawn mower. This is only in my mind, though. Hey, it's my body that's disabled, not my imagination!

The house tractor idea came from hours spent on an outside tractor ripping out bushes. There is nothing quite as empowering as a tractor and 'ripping' 'tearing' 'scraping' and 'power raking' for a cripple chick like myself. Dead trees, annoying thorn bushes, logs, small boulders, heaps of horse manure, none of you can resist the power of my tractor forces. All this is possible because of the 'tractor stick' which is essentially a hand control for a tractor, except it didn't cost an arm and a leg. It's a small shovel handle (like the short shovels, they look like they are made for kids or dwaves or something) with the shovel part removed. A nylon webbing loop is attached to the end of it, I simply slip this over the end of the hydrostatic pedal thingy and twist. Whalla! Push the stick to go forward, pull back to reverse.

We have resumed riding for the season, with a short trip to Arch Canyon Utah and local rides once or twice a week. I'd like to get closer to my goal of 500 miles per season, barring any unforeseen circumstances that plagued us the last 3 summers. My husband has been asked to do a packing demonstration at the local Backcountry Horsemen's packing clinic in a few weeks. We sure have come a long way from total novices to somewhat experienced packers, at least enough to teach a few basics to other novices :)

I'd like to take my horse to the local therapeutic riding center this year, they asked me several years ago, but with the aforementioned summers of crappiness it didn't happen. I'd love to meet someone else who is disabled but can ride independently, or has the potential to do so. It's becoming a dream of sorts with me to somehow, someday, be involved in a pack trip for people with disabilites. A real pack trip. Into the wilderness. Like at least 3-4 hours of riding on mountain trails. There are tons of logistical problems with this idea, obviously, and I am surely not an organizer of people. For starts, not everyone with a disability could do this. Many paraplegics have no feeling in their butts, and no butt meat, so the probability of pressure soars is very real and can be deadly serious. I have feeling, but no butt meat, so I know how much pressure goes right down to your seatbones with very little natural padding and little use of legs to take some of the pressure off. I ride with two pads and still my seatbones will get very soar, since I can feel though I can shift my weight to relieve the pressure.

The first step is to put myself out there and see what connections I make.Wish me luck!

July backcountry trip

Ioca Park, Weminuche Trail, Colorado

My husband and I went on our third 'solo' backcountry trip July 21st-26th, 6 days which is 2 days longer than our previous record of 4 days :) I say 'solo' as it was just the two of us, one able bodied man and a disabled woman, 12 miles into the Weminuche Wilderness. For the second time we packed my wheelchair, a lightweight older Quickie Revolution that folds forward and has removable wheels. A lucky score from a friend who sold it to me, since they are no longer made. Having a wheelchair in the backcountry is a huge help to me, and to my husband since I can do SO much more from a wheelchair than I can using crutches. SO much more. This time I put up (and took down) the tents (one for us, one for stashing our saddles). I wheeled myself along the river banks, and where I couldn't wheel I hopped down and scooted on my butt, or crawled, whatever it took. I became enthralled with fishing.

All this stuff goes on the horses. Note wheelchair frame on the right

Wheelchair frame loaded on one horse, wheels going on the other

Horses loaded, we head into the wilderness



Wild coneflowers and delphiniums were at their peak

We made camp near the Sierra Vandera trail, with this gorgeous view towards Granite Peak

I'm 44 and this is the first tent I have put up, better late than never!

I was so excited to have caught this 14 inch cutthroat with a fly.

A homemade griddle someone packed in to this campsite, it made cooking so much easier!

Sarah and Jypsi on the Sierra Vandera trail

I think we would have stayed a few more days if we didn't run out of coffee. Note to self: bring extra coffee, always :) The longer we stayed the easier it got, and the more I did not want to return to civilization. I often fantasize that if I were not disabled I would spend all my summers in the mountains, away from the squabbling masses and tensions of modern life.

So many conflicting thoughts went through my mind during this camping trip. They went from "this is perfect, this is how life should be, I can do this in a wheelchair" to "I am an impediment to my husband, I have no business being in the wilderness, I am irresponsible and self centered to put myself in this situation". Lots of conflicts. Lots of ups and downs. Overall it was a gratifying trip, when we returned I felt somehow victorious, even though I was never in any danger, I was never a hindrance to my husband, and I was able to help in a meaningful way to set up and tear down camp.

Come to think of it, I *always* feel like returning safely from a backcountry trip is a victory.....

Of horses and cancer

I'm copying this over from my other blog that is supposed to be about my equine sculpture, but hasn't really been lately and this explains why:

I've noticed that most of my blog posts are about horses, the real ones, and related equine activities and less and less about my sculpting and model horses. It hasn't been intentional, but almost without me noticing I have been exploring other interests in my life and just plain dealing with life in general. I can feel my creative urge to sculpt returning, but slowly, while my obsession with the beauty of horses has not changed at all. In fact, my 'real' life has become more and more entrenched with horses to the point where I sometimes feel they have taken over our lives and our purpose in life is just to serve them. "Our" herd of four, innocent as they appear dozing in the shade of the barn, are becoming adept escape artists and our lack of reliable equine containment systems (good fence!) is starting to assert itself on the top of our priority list. Well maybe not the absolute top, but close.

How can I be angry when they are so pretty?

With the riding season getting under way I can't help but remember of how little I could do last year when I had a bout of sciatica. I couldn't ride any real distance until late August. This year my back is holding together, knock on wood. I've ridden 145 miles so far, and hope to get 500 in by November. A few pack trips would be great too, maybe even some trailer camping in new to us areas like the South San Juans or the Lizard Head Wilderness. In the midst of my strong desire to do as much trail riding and back country stuff as possible this season is the reality of one of my friend Cindy's husband Jerry battling lung cancer. It is through incredibly good fortune that we picked this lovely area of the state to move to, and that they happened to live right up the road. They were exactly the right people we needed to know at the right time in our lives, as adults entering into horse ownership and back country activities. While I knew some stuff, having grown up in a rural area and having ridden horses from age 9 to my 20's, there was a lot left to learn (and still is). There is nothing so helpful as becoming friends with people who know horses, really know them, to help guide you along the way. Not the common 'order barking' horse experts found almost anywhere there are horses, but people that truly have an understanding of horses from countless hours and countless horses.

Jerry is off the chemo and feeling well enough to do a little riding, and we are planning a back country pack trip next week. It is hard to focus on sculpting when something like this comes up, and if he wants to go camping then we are going camping, it is more important than anything else this summer. We don't know how much longer we will have him for, and time is of the essence. Chances are we will still learn a thing or two from him along the way :)

Badass interview

My interview for the Badass Project is up!

I was honored to be interviewed for the Badass Project in April about being disabled and getting out and enjoying the backcountry despite it. I'm probably the least badass on the website, or what I prefer to call "Badass-light", taking in the other interviews was a humbling experience and has inspired me to continue striving to be truly badass.

Utah trip

We got back yesterday from spending a week in southeastern Utah. Looking forward to our annual spring trip is a big part of what gets me through the last few months of winter, and the cold and windy days of early spring. We camped on Cedar Mesa, west of Blanding Utah. I really like it up there, not a lot of people on the top of the mesa (most of them are hiking in the canyons) and you can see a lot of things from the canyon rims that you might not see from the canyon floors, like these ruins nestled under a big rock on top of a peninsula:

Or these ledge ruins, which I thought were not possible to get to but maybe they crawled along the ledge from an access around the corner of the rock to the left:

We stumbled upon this metate on the mesa, notice the griding stone is a river rock probably carried there from many miles away:

Once of the amazing things about the desert is how you can usually find water if you know what to look for. The cow trails led us to this pothole on a ledge (I became aware that it looks like a penis after I stitched the two photos together, ha ha!):

I thought it was interesting how the roots of this old juniper lifted up the rocks when it fell over:

Some of the Claret Cup cacti were blooming:

We moved after a few days to a different part of the mesa, along White Canyon which we had never ridden in and weren't sure you could ride in. Turned out to be very rideable! We only turned around as it was getting late. I don't think this canyon sees much horse use, but it was actually pretty nice, about 50/50 sand and cobble stone, nothing very scary. The only real downfall of this canyon from what we saw is that it is close to the highway, which runs along it's southern edge, and you do hear cars from time to time. There were several interesting side canyons and slots, this one is in Long Canyon:

This was interesting, not sure how it happened (natural or human placed?):

A big piece of petrified wood:

A big log balanced on a rock:

It was a nice trip, not as long as we wanted but the weather changed. Today at home it snowed all morning! Hard to believe a few days ago I was having lunch on a big rock in the sun :) Speaking of that rock, I had Todd video me getting off my horse onto it. This is my typical method of dismounting, and the rock or log can be much lower, I have successfully lowered myself onto object as low as my horses' knees this way:

Inspiration

There is no way I could do this stuff without the inspiration of other people. Without the internet, on days when things seem very bleak, I would have very little in the way of resources to bolster my spirits. I do not know any other disabled people in 'real' life, but many online. Their stories and words of encouragement keep me going when sometimes I'd rather just give up, become a couch potato, and just let life happen to me. I have wonderful people in my life, don't get me wrong, but there are times when I really really need to see that there are others out there 'like me' who are disabled and have found a way to lead a fulfilling life. If there ever was a time to be disabled, it is now, with the internet and a way to find others and give and receive support and ideas.

There are SO many amazing disabled people who blow my mind! For horseback riding, just Google "paralympic equestrians" and you will find numerous riders with all sorts of disabilities competing at the upper levels of equestrian disciplines. Seriously, how does this woman do this? She is amazing:



Another horse person that inspires me is Michael Richardson. He is a horse trainer and motivational speaker who is a paraplegic. This video keeps me going when I feel like there is nothing more I can do with my riding:



Here is another horseman, Nick Smith, who is a quadriplegic and rides, explaining his adapted saddle:



Nick has a ton of videos on YouTube, including one of him helping another young quadriplegic to ride again.


Of course, not all of life has to do with horses, even for those of us who own, train, and ride horses. I don't always have a positive attitude, life can be a real drag at times, and I need to get a kick in the butt to get going again. This video is one hell of a kick in the butt (sorry I can't embed it):

Jon Morrow


The interviewer, Johnny Truant, also has a blog where he wrote this on how everyone is disabled. Definitely worth the read to get some perspective, and yes, another kick in the butt.


I only recently began reading reading books about disabled people. The first one I picked up, probably the most wonderful, inspiring, and thought provoking book I have ever read, is John Hockenberry's "Moving Violations". You can get a used copy for like $4.00. The best $4.00 you will ever spend. I am sure I will be re-reading my copy in the future, the next time with a highlighter! This book should be mandatory reading for anyone with a disability. The scope of this book is huge, and oddly enough, it begins and ends with a horseback ride. Well, a donkeyback ride, but riding nonetheless!

and so it begins....

Let's start off by saying that disability isn't for wimps. Neither is this blog. The "C" word will be used on occasion......."cripple". That word makes some feel uncomfortable, I understand that, but for me it is just another word that describes my condition. I don't want to get caught up in words, or in being "sensitive" and "politically correct". I was raised in a family that did not talk about my disability, and I've gone through most of my adulthood believing that the best thing I could do for others was to 'not talk about it'. I'm 44 years old, and I am sick of not talking about 'it'. I am crippled, disabled, gimpy, limpy, handicapped, physically challenged, whatever. Being easily offended is not part of my character.

The idea for this blog has been on my mind for several years. I tried to come up with a less offensive title, really I did, but it has a certain 'catchiness' to it, don't you agree? It also goes well with my weariness of being all 'nicey-nice' about being disabled and the attempts by society, and sometimes myself, to 'soften' medical and disability issues to make them more palatable.

I have a neurological disorder that slows and eventually stops nerve conduction to my muscles, resulting in muscle atrophy and paralysis. It started with my lower legs when I was 14, and after being dragged around the country to various experts I was given the diagnosis of Charcot Marie Tooth disorder. It has nothing to do with my teeth. It is degenerative, meaning it gets worse over time. I have gone from using a crutch, to two crutches, and now to a scooter and sometimes a wheelchair, or an ATV, horse, whatever happens to be nearby :)

This is where the 'backcountry' part comes in. I ride about 400-500 miles a year horseback, on trails, often in designated wilderness and roadless areas. My husband accompanies me, and together we enjoy places most disabled people never go to, or even think they possibly could go to. The secret to the whole thing is the horse. Once I am on the horse I am almost the same as any other able-bodied rider. I can go as fast (well, almost as fast), as far (sometimes even farther), and on the same terrain (most certainly!) as everyone else. There is virtually no difference between me and everyone else, until I get off my horse and am once again disabled.

Here is the story of my horse Jypsi and I:





to be continued.....